Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
If I ever need a heart transplant, I'd want my ex's. It's never been used.
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand. (good one)
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen,
they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're \
home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
I know I'm getting old... the other day I walked past a cemetery and two guys attacked me with shovels.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.
Few women admit their age; few men act it.
Sorry I'm late. I was trying to think of ways to get out of this.
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.