At times like this, awake at 2:00am, and wide awake I question whether it is insomnia or I napped too long.
My sleep pattern is so fouled up. I have been agitated nd slightly depressed. This state is becoming who I am, instead of an occurence. It is really bothering me. I am taking online tests to see if I have dementia or some other condition. Of course, I over think every thing. I decided to write instead of worrying. It does bring me comfort.
My friend of over 50+ years, son died today. He was on life support and she decided to let him go. He was bleeding internally. His liver and kidneys were not working properly. He was a full blown alcoholic for many years. So young at 41 to die of poisoning his own system. I spoke to her for a while today and she is a lot braver than I ever could be. My heart hearts for her. She is a wonderful person and has had such bad breaks all her life. I do not want to pity her but I know it is what I am feeling. So sad and I can do nothing but offer my friendship and emotional support. She will remember Good Friday for the rest of her life for the wrong reasons.
We are having our usual family get together at my daughter's house Sunday. I was contemplating "not feeling well" but the "shut in" has to go out. It is suppose to be 80 degrees. Imagine, if I said it was too hot to go. Wow, would I get a reaction. While writing, I have decided, do or die, I am going. I will drive myself (another accomplishment) rather than have someone pick me up. It is only a 20 minute drive from my house. Then the big show comes. When I arrive, one of my sons will park my car so I can be the first to leave. They go on for hours. Once I eat, socialize for an hour or so, I am done. There are going to be 25 people there. They are all related to me but the conversation is boring to me. I love visiting with the teens and millenials. They have such an optomistic outlook on life. The older ones are talking about retirement planning and the like. They can plan it but stop sharing it.
My son's wife got to ride her horse, Colby outside for the first time this year. It's an expensive hobby but worth it to him. Happy wife, happy life. To board Colby and her vet bills is over 8k a year. I was astonished to hear, my practical son, was willing to pay that much for a happy wife. Of course, he spends a great deal of time in Florida to avoid depression so I guess as long as it works for them. Let's just say, you really can't buy happiness. He thinks you can. I shake my head in disbelief this is a way of life. He has property in Florida, which is an asset, she has a horse which is not. Simple math.
Sometimes I wish I didn't know about these things about any of my children. It truly upsets me. It sets a bad example for the kids and puts such a materialitic aspect to their happiness. Oh well, MYOB. That has to be my motto for the weekend.
Wishing everyone a very Happy Easter ( if it applies) or Passover. Hope all is well with everyone. If not, I hope it improves soon.