A few Christmas funnies or not !!

1) Angels
Bert, aged 25.  'My wife's an angel'.

Don, aged 57.  'Your lucky, mine is still alive'.

 

2) Christmas Kiss
Romeo: What would it take to make you kiss me under the mistletoe?
Juliette: An anaesthetic.

 

3) Christmas Drink
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre ......

So the barman gives her one.

 

4) Christmas Pudding Charms
Silver Christmas charms bring you good fortune.  
Packaging Notice: Potential choking hazard: do not use with food.

 

5) How Was Your Christmas Meal?
We had grandma for Christmas dinner. 

Really?

We had turkey.

 

6) Reindeer Joke
What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?

This will sleigh you.

 

7) Sales
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.  
Handmade gifts for that hard-to-find person.

 

8) Christmas Joke Pizza
Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza. 
The salesgirl asked him:- 
'Do you want your usual?  Deep pan, crisp and even?'

 

9) Mike walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. 
The barmaid looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.

    'Tiny', answers Mike. 
   'Why's that?' enquires the barmaid.
   'Because he's my newt' concludes Mike.   
    (Will had to explain this riddle to me.  My newt - minute)

 

10) Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present!

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Comments (12)

  1. JustALier

    I think #3 would be funnier if it said “So the barman gives it to her”

    December 23, 2016
    1. belladora

      You are 100% correct. Shame on me for not proof reading.

      December 23, 2016
      1. belladora

        Dual meaning. I should have edited it to read “a stiff one”

        December 23, 2016
        1. belladora

          December 23, 2016
      2. belladora

        JaL lies..

        December 23, 2016
  2. EZWAYZ

    1. reminds me of Rodney Dangerfield

    December 23, 2016
  3. SEC

    oh that last one!

    December 23, 2016
    1. belladora

      agreed..boring, stupid, nonsense. I will edit next time.

      December 23, 2016
  4. belladora

    It’s a Brit thing.

    December 23, 2016